Bruises and Paintmarks
by Twigman242
Summary: Things get a little heated between Hiccup and Astrid after a race one day. Paint pots get broken and faces get splatted. RTTE age. Now a twoshot.
1. Splat

**SPLAT**

 **SYPNOPSIS -** Things get a little heated between Hiccup and Astrid after a race one day. Paint pots get broken and faces get splatted. RTTE age. Oneshot.

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 **SPLAT**

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"HICCUUUUUPPPPP!"

"Bud we need to leave, now!"

The dragon in question gave Hiccup a look of 'you're on your own with your nesting partner', and simply got up and walked off, leaving his rider to the mercy of the blonde warrior goddess stalking towards him.

Hiccup raised his hands to show they were empty and he was unarmed. Astrid carried her axe with her everywhere, why didn't he carry his as-yet-unnamed contraption with him?

"A…A…Astrid, I can explain…"

"Haddock I do not need you passing me sheep when Stormfly is perfectly capable of getting them herself! I am not a weak and helpless woman, as much as you seem to think!"

Hiccup noticed out of the corner of his eye Stoick and Gobber backing away quietly, as were the rest of the gang.

"…remember when Val was this mad at me once. Between her and a Monstrous Nightmare, I'd rather take the Nightmare…"

Gobber thankfully remained silent.

They were in the converted kill ring, Hiccup backing away with his hands still raised and Astrid slowly advancing on him. Hiccup suddenly felt the solid wall that marked the end of the road for him at his back.

"Now I need to deal with mother thinking you're courting me in public! That's going to raise Hel!"

"Hiccup, heads up."

Hiccup and Astrid snapped their heads to the source of who was calling Hiccup, which turned out to be Tuffnut…holding three pots in his arms.

"Tuffnut! Little busy right now!" Astrid seethed at him.

"You can thank me later dude, bro-code rule one hundred and forty three: look out for other bros in mortal danger from their significant other and offer assistance." He took a brief glance at Astrid before promptly dropping the three lidded pots on Hiccup, clearly expecting him to catch all three.

He only caught one. The other two rolled about and ended up at Astrid's feet.

Hiccup peered inside and found that it was a new pot of red paint.

"Odin's soggy left trouser leg pay attention!"

The lid clattered to the floor. Realisation suddenly dawned on Astrid's face, and a sharp smirk appeared on Hiccup's.

"Don't you da-"

There was the highly amusing sound of red paint splatting all over Astrid's face and upper body, with the rest making an encore landing on the stone behind her.

Astrid was now covered in bright red paint, from the top of her head to about halfway down her shirt. A mix of emotions swirled across her face, predominantly shock, horror and confusion.

Hiccup had frozen in the throwing position, the pot firmly held between his two hands, beginning to realise the vast consequences of his actions.

However before he could say anything, Astrid had dropped to the floor to pick up one of the two remaining pots, ripping its lid off and then dowsing Hiccup before he had even left his previous body position.

It was now Hiccup's turn to feel stupid. He was now bright blue from the head down. Astrid now looked like she could kill…

…before she started giggling.

"Well it somewhat improves your cuteness…"

They both mutually looked at the last pot, comically exactly halfway between them.

It was Hiccup who made the first move, leaping for it. Astrid however had other ideas. She jumped forwards, intent on removing Hiccup from the equation before claiming the paint as her own. What neither of them took into account however, was how slippery the paint made them both.

"Ow! Now why would you do tha-!"

"Just lie still! I never realised leather got so slippery when coated in paint!"

"What!? So you can drop the last pot on me?"

"Thats exactly what I'm going to do!"

Astrid was on top of Hiccup, using her superior strength to hold him down. She tried leaning back to where the paint was lying, except knocking Hiccup back had put it ever so slightly out of her range. It was a difficult choice, keep Hiccup wiggling beneath her, or attempt a recovery of the pot?

Said wiggler made the choice for her. Hiccup rubbed his hands over his face - transferring a lot of the red paint from there to his hands - and then ran his hands through Astrid's hair.

"No! Do you know how long thats going to take to get out you son of a half-"

Hiccup used the distraction to flip Astrid over so he was now the dominant player;

"Now now Astrid, I don't think the chief would be too happy to hear either he or his wife was a half troll. Right where's the paint…"

"Hiccup you're so bony…it's a wonder survived your first winter with this little meat on your bones."

"Astrid."

"Yeah?"

"Be quiet."

"Nope."

Hiccup reached over for the paint, having rolled closer to the paint since Astrid was in charge. Yet Astrid wasn't one to quit so easily, even if she was enjoying Hiccup being on top.

The change in position meant Hiccup was now outside his centre of gravity. And vulnerable. With a deft flick of her arms, Astrid tumbled with Hiccup into the - thankfully still sealed - pot, each one slipping and sliding over the other, Astrid trying to offload some of the paint from her onto Hiccup's face via her hands, and Hiccup resorted to messing up Astrid's hair even further by taking it out of its usual braid. Hiccup was quite sure he'd face the Red Death again than sort out Astrid's hair.

The pair tossed and tumbled about the ring, neither one able to gain an advantage over the other. Astrid was stronger and more tactical, yet Hiccup was able to level the field by being coated in slippery leather and being more resourceful with the situation he was in.

"Do you think they're going to notice us all standing here?" Fishlegs said to the gang, leaning over the railing surrounding the ring.

"Nah, I say let them fight! This is the best thing thats happened all week, Astrid screaming at Hiccup and then being doused in paint!" Ruffnut replied, loudly.

There was a small gathering left behind to watch the chief's son and the Hofferson girl trying to defeat the other. Everyone knew Hiccup and Astrid had a thing for each other, however lest you wanted a round with Astrid's axe it was an unspoken topic in front of the aforementioned couple.

"Well if they don't finish soon, I'll have to separate them. Hiccup has chiefly duties to fulfil." Stoick added in a serious tone, arms crossed and foot tapping restlessly on the floor.

"Och c'mmon Stoick. Let the young lad and lassie have their fun. Remember the time you tried courting Val by starting a food fight at her families hall?"

"Don't give the young one's here any ideas…" Stoick muttered back, fearful of what damage the Thorston's offspring could do if they knew their chief had once done it.

Back in the paint pit, the two teens were tiring, fast. Chests heaving and breathing rapidly. Astrid finally had Hiccup in a headlock from which he couldn't escape. Dragging him over to the pot, she awkwardly opened it with Hiccup struggling like his life depended on it. Hopefully he wouldn't be teased too badly by being beaten in a fight by a girl, it was Astrid after all…

"Hold still! The faster I pour this over you the faster we can go and clean ourselves up!" Astrid complained, she felt grotty since her hair was all over the place and matted up.

"What, what makes you think I want to clean?" Hiccup retorted.

"Hah! Prepare to meet your doom Haddock."

As Astrid made the move to slowly pour the pot over Hiccups head in a torturous manner, Hiccup saw a chance to at least get them both partially covered. If he couldn't win, then he was going to have to settle with a draw. It was underhanded, but he'd been called the spawn of Loki for years, this should be right in with his character.

As the first dribble of the bright yellow paint threatened to come out of the pot, Hiccup twisted within his captors grip. On a usual day he would have revelled - and felt incredibly awkward - at where his head was currently, but that was beside the point.

Before Astrid could say anything or make a move to rectify the situation, she felt Hiccups hands move towards her waist. She was about to get tickled.

"No no and NO!"

Before she lost all control and surrendered to the tickling, Astrid flicked the hand which was holding the paint. Yes she would get slightly splatted but the end result would still see Hiccup mostly covered in it.

In the split second distraction he had, Hiccup used the last of his strength to roll himself and Astrid onto their side, further widening the spread of paint and ensuring that they were somewhat equally covered.

The pair once again felt the feeling of being covered with free flowing paint. Less so than last time but still, it was paint.

As payment for his tickling, the now mostly empty pot fell on Hiccups head with a resounding whack. Astrid was far too busy making sure none of the paint dripped into her eyes however to make fun of that fact.

Separating, and struggling to stand on the slippery stone, Hiccup and Astrid looked at each other and laughed between heavy breaths. Hiccup slipped with his prosthetic leg and collided back into Astrid, causing them to laugh even more.

"Right then you two, have you quite finished?" came the deep voice of Stoick, attempting to sound serious but it was evident he was very amused.

Taking a second for a couple of deep breaths before answering; "Yes…dad. We're done."

"Good. Go and clean yourselves up, I'm sure Toothless and Stormfly will want some attention from the two of you after all the fun you've had."

As if on cue, the two dragons rushed in. Toothless bounded to Hiccup and Stormfly ran over to Astrid.

"Come on bud, I think we need a long time in the hot springs." Hiccup said, while scratching the dragon behind it's ear plates.

The Night Fury crooned before looking at the paint on the floor and back to Hiccup expectantly.

"The rain'll wash it away, unfortunately it wont arrive quick enough to wash me away."

"Come on Hiccup, we're waiting."

Hiccup looked to Astrid and Stormfly and found that they were already saddled up. He quickly followed suit, being sure to get at least some of the paint onto Toothless, who growled in return.

"Be quick son, you still have duties to fulfil."

"Sure dad, I'll try to be." Hiccup replied, having already taken off after Astrid.

"Think they're going to go any further than rolling about with clothes on, Stoick?" Gobber asked Stoick when the pair were well out of earshot.

"Hiccup had better go to the mens section, they're not even official as a pair to the tribe yet."

In the distance Astrid could be heard screaming; "YOU DID NOT JUST CHALLENGE ME TO A WATER FIGHT HICCUP HADDOCK!"

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 **SPLAT**

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 **Got the idea for this scrolling through Tumblr a while back, only just gotten round to doing it. Anyone fancy doing some cover art for me? Thanks for reading, and Happy Christmas :)**


	2. Splash

**SPLASH**

 **SYNOPSIS -** Continuation of 'Splat', Hiccup starts a one man war against Astrid in the stream to the north of the village. Should he be cleaning the paint off from his last encounter? Yes. Is he really that bothered? Not so much. Twoshot.

 **Finally got round to writing this. So as requested, here is the next part of 'Splat'. Couldn't decide if I should upload this as a new story or make 'Splat' into a two-shot. The latter won out. Enjoy :)**

* * *

 **SPLASH**

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Hiccup was having trouble flying keeping his prosthetic from slipping out of Toothless' own one, due to the slippery paint that was all over it.

Well. Forget just the prosthetic. His whole body was struggling to stay on the leather saddle. Astrid ahead didn't appear to be having much more luck, despite being able to control herself more with Stormfly's spiked crown.

They were flying to the very top of the 'bathing section' of the river. Usually it was split so that the women had the top beneath the small waterfall and the men would take the lower section round a corner, to keep them from peeking. The two teens however, bypassed this and headed straight for the top. Conveniently for them, there was a large boulder which split the waterfall in half, but they could still sit behind it if they wanted to.

Since befriending the dragons, the women appeared to be getting the better half of the deal (over the men). Since behind the waterfall there was a small, open sided cave, the Vikings used their dragons to heat the stone up above them and in turn, heat up the water. In order for the hotter flamed dragons to not accidentally melt the stone, several large, metal plates were bolted on to the ceiling which would give a visual indication of when was the time to turn off the heat. It was a 'hotly' debated topic at weekly meets over if men were (ever) allowed a turn during the weekly wash.

Regardless, landing the dragons was not an issue. It was dismounting that turned into a comedy. Astrid knew that she would not be able to hold her footing if she were to slide off Stormfly like she usually did, so instead she leapt off and dove into a forward roll.

"Little bit excessive isn't it Astrid? Couldn't just slide off like you usually would?"

Astrid looks up at Hiccup, puts one hand on her hip and uses to other to gesture to the floor;

"Well I'd like to see you do it. In fact, I **invite** you to do so."

Hiccup looked down from Toothless, who had suddenly locked out his legs and gained an extra 6 inches in height. Stupid reptile.

"Aww c'mon Toothless! You can't just do that!" Hiccup whined. The dragon itself snickered while Astrid mockingly said;

"Whats the matter Hiccup? Is the **Pride of Berk** having trouble dismounting his prize stallion?" With a knowing smirk.

"N…no! Not at all. Here I'll just get off…"

'Getting off', involved swinging his leg over the saddle and putting all his weight on the remaining stirrup. However the paint covering said foot meant he actually fell backwards off the stirrup in the direction of Toothless' tail. Astrid doubled over in laughter exclaiming that if Dagur ever found out that all it took to defeat Hiccup was paint, then they were all in trouble. Meanwhile Toothless had sat up on his hunches like some overgrown housecat and was visibly making fun of Hiccup.

The boy himself looked around at the two beings he cared about most in the world and wondered what he did to deserve these two clowns. Following that thought, came a plan. He would get Toothless back later with a trick of some kind but for now, all he wanted to do was mess around with Astrid. First he had to create a small distraction, make her think he was finished playing for the day. He started by unbuckling his leather shoulder pads. Astrid knew that only herself or Stoick ever saw him unarmoured, be it here on Berk or at the Edge. So she fell for it. Astrid called Stormfly over from outside the cave, who had curled up in the sunlight, to begin heating up the rock.

"Middle plate Stormfly, yep that one. Give me a wide flame…good girl! Now lets start bring the temperature up a little…"

While Astrid was directing her winged beast, Hiccup had (as quietly as he could with a slippery metal foot on stone floor) hobbled over to the river with Toothless and using only hand signs and miming, used his wing as a sort of living 'bucket'. It wasn't an easy task, made slightly easier with Astrid's back facing them. Toothless had to sit back on his haunches and wrap his wing around his front in order to accomplish the task, cradling it with his front paws like a human would a broken arm. Compared with how big the single wing was, it hadn't filled with as much water as Hiccup had hoped it would yet it was still enough to knock someone off their feet and completely drench them.

However there was no time to alter the plan. Hiccup checked the metal plate Stormfly was heating, and it has beginning to turn a dull red, which meant he only had a minute or so to convey to a confused Toothless that he wanted to drench Astrid. Toothless might even find it funny to drench Hiccup instead.

Hiccup made sure he had his dragon's attention - who was looking at him with big, wide puppy eyes - and pointed to Astrid. Toothless' head pointed to her, and then back to Hiccup, expression not having changed. The boy then made a waddling motion with his arm substituting to a wing and mimed letting the arm go, before pointing at Astrid again.

Toothless licked his maw and cocked his head. Hiccup rolled his eyes in response.

His dragon wanted payment.

Nodding his head, Hiccup made a 'get going' gesture, but still Toothless didn't move.

"Fine! Two fish!" Hiccup yelled silently, holding up two fingers to signify that, and this time pointed at Astrid with both hands.

Finally he started moving. Astrid was just beginning to tell Stormfly to stop too.

"Just a little more, so it's a bright cherry red…aaaaand stop! Well done girl! I'll get you a drum stick or two later…what is it?"

Astrid had noticed Stormfly's attention was directed elsewhere, and felt a large presence behind her. She turned around and was met with the belly of the beast. She couldn't see Toothless' face, as from her viewpoint, it was blocked by the protruding wing.

"Toothless, what is…"

At the same time, Toothless let loose a low warble and before Astrid could finish her question, had let loose a torrent of water to his - or rather, Hiccup's - target.

Hiccup watched from his side of the rock while the Offspring of Lightning and Death itself poured water over an unsuspecting victim. The girl herself had been swept off her feet and was a good couple of paces from where she was standing not a moment before.

Hiccup allowed himself a second to take in the scene of a paint and water soaked Astrid just in shock for the second time in one day. Pink dragon droppings are more common than a shocked Astrid, let alone twice in one day. Before she could look in his direction, Hiccup ducked behind the rock and tore off a wad of his armour, to make it appear like the scaly black beast had done it of his own accord. Yet there was a thought in the back of his head which told him that Astrid would invariably see through his quickly thought up ruse.

Before Hiccup had managed to strip to nothing but his cotton shirt and trousers, he heard a foot tapping behind him. Keeping as straight a face as he could, Hiccup turned around and looked up to a drenched and dirty Astrid. The usually perfect girl - with not a hair out of place in her braid, or a fleck of anything foreign on her face or clothing - was now dripping head to toe. Her hair was matted and all over the place with lengths of multiple colours of paint all over her clothing and face.

Astrid also looked ready to kill.

"Hiccup. Horrendous. Haddock." She seethed.

The boy himself definitely didn't have any regrets about causing this reaction. Most of the time he found it extraordinarily funny when she was on the brink of loosing control like this.

"First, you give me multiple coats of paint. Then try and frame Toothless with your water stunt.

Hiccup didn't quite see how it was framing, but he knew from experience that people who interrupted Astrid Hofferson in a mood rarely came away from the encounter unscathed. Thus he let her be.

"WHAT, have you got to say for yourself!?"

"I uhhh, don't know what you're talking about Astrid! I'll make sure Toothless gets less fish later if you'd like…"

Wrong reply. Astrid finally cracked and leaped at Hiccup, who was anticipating such a move. She was planning on shoving him into the river, while his counter was to simply grab her rage-fuelled body and drag her in with him.

Hiccup's plan - again - worked. They fell the short distance between Hiccup and the waters edge and landed with a splash into some moderately cool water, as opposed to what would be below freezing this time of year.

The pair released each other as they righted themselves and got back up. This part of the river came up to about waist height on the two teenagers, so there was no chance of drowning by accident.

"Hiccup Haddock, now I have to completely dry my clothes before I can get back to the village because of your little stunt with Toothless! How am I going to explain this to my mother!" She ranted.

"Astrid you are never pleased!" Hiccup quipped back, certain that that comment would bring about his impending doom .

Astrid took a moment to glance at the water, and then slowly turned her head to face Hiccup with an evil grin which would make even Loki quake in his boots.

Hiccup knew he was going to go back to his father later with a large number of red marks and quite possibly bruises too. He gulped.

Astrid had turned to face Hiccup in full now, being side on to him before. They had separated with a couple of meters of space between them but she started to close the gap, swaying her hips at the same time.

He quickly took a glance at her movement through the water, fluid and graceful, but knew it was an attempt to briefly stop his ever working brain from calculating what to do next.

The only response his legs gave was to backpedal…into the dividing rock. In a moment of carelessness Hiccup had forgotten that rock even existed.

Not knowing what to do next - hopping onto Toothless was out of the question, not enough time - Hiccup instinctively tried to flatten himself against the rock, but experienced the incompressibility of both himself and the rock.

Astrid stopped a hairs breadth in front of Hiccup, still smirking. Hiccup was - for the first time in a very long time - completely at a loss at what to do. He hadn't thought ahead enough to take into account being stuck between this girl and the rock.

"So. What do you think is going to happen next Hiccup?" She asked, innocently enough but Hiccup could tell that she knew exactly what was going to occur.

"I don't know Astrid. You tell me. Your mother comes round the corner and finds you holding me hostage?"

One word; "This."

Quicker than Hiccup could blink, he found himself back under the surface of the water. Astrid seemed to be able to move through water as fast as she could when not. She had swept his feet out from beneath him and was now keeping only his face barely above the water level, which in itself was constantly changing due to the waterfall next to them. Hiccup found himself completely powerless.

Astrid was standing over Hiccup, one leg either side of his waist, holding him by the front of his shirt. She wasn't one for merciless torture, the dork below her wasn't being (permanently anyway) harmed and he wouldn't take it the wrong way either. Astrid sometimes wondered if Hiccup messed around with her like this just so she could beat him. She definitely did not mind showing the son of the chief who was actually boss.

She found herself caught off guard however from not concentrating when she felt a pair of hands grab her by the backs of her boots, and then having yanked out from underneath. The result was being flipped backwards onto her back, while simultaneously pulling Hiccup out of the drink.

A role reversal had occurred, but Astrid wasn't going to give up. She thrashed about while Hiccup was surprisingly managing to hold her down by her shoulders. Yet Hiccups feet were unguarded, so she wrapped one leg around the base of his and straightened it out so that he fell sideways. Back in with her.

They rolled around for a few seconds, the water not quite deep enough to present a problem but with enough space between the surface and riverbed for them to both be able to be beneath the surface at the same time, and have room to spare.

However, Astrid being the more apt of the two at operating in water eventually won out and dragged Hiccup by the scruff of his neck over to the riverside. Giving him one last thing to think about, she made sure to make his journey from the water to the stone shore as uncomfortable and rough as possible.

They were both breathing heavily, Hiccup just dead to the world on the floor and Astrid standing up, arms raised above her head so she can breath deeper. Once he had coughed up his lungs and was able to speak again, the first words that passed his lips were;

"You know what, I think we're done for the day."

Astrid noted that it wasn't like Hiccup to just stop anything at the drop of a hat, but considering how taxing it was to move in water, she was willing to let him off.

Just this once.

"We had best get cleared up, my mother is probably wondering whats taking me so long and your father is going to be thinking the same." She said in turn, waiting for him to stand up, hoping he would put his arm out for help.

He did.

Hiccup nodded once in agreement to what Astrid had said just prior to being yanked up, and pulling him in close.

Hiccup's face was confused, but has a look of familiarity on it. He always looked so cute like this, Astrid thought. She gave him her best smile before pulling him even closer so that she kissed him full on. Not a short one either. Anyone watching would think something was going on.

Breaking apart, she left a bewildered Hiccup on his side of the rock, before sitting down and letting her own heart run wild.

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 **SPLASH**

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 **Date of upload: 10/03/2016**

 **Thanks for reading :)**


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